Work life balance. Does it exist?
Everyone has their own vision of what an ideal week looks like, but it seems like very few are actually experiencing it. It’s like a far away fantasy that other people seem to have but not us. Does “work life balance” actually exist? And if so, how do you get it?
The phrase “work life balance” inherently already tells us a lot. It assumes that life is all the stuff you do outside of work. It also assumes that balance is important, and achievable.
Forbes published an article recently on “the knowledge worker”, and how there are globally about 1 billion today, most likely including you. If your work involves your mind versus your physical body, it’s inevitable that it’s harder to switch off when you’re not working.
During my many years in the hotel industry at citizenM, I noticed that our typical “business” traveler was always asking us about museums, art galleries and shops. They wanted to squeeze in some culture in between meetings. Our typical “leisure” traveler was using our living room space to do a few hours of emails before brunch, or would make a call to a colleague while sipping a cocktail at the bar. Especially in a world where we are always connected, work is a part of life, and life is a part of work.
Yet for many, there seems to be too much of one thing and too little of something else. We also judge others this way. “He works too much” or “She is never home”. But is it the lack of balance that is the “failure”, or our thoughts about it?
When someone misses something or messes up we say they “dropped the ball”. Somehow society’s expectation of us is that we need to keep playing and juggling at all times. If work life balance is the ultimate accomplishment these days, that seems like a lot of pressure to put on ourselves.
For some of us our most fulfilling or exciting weeks are when we are completely out of balance. Is it our division of time that we don’t like, or our assumptions about that division that makes us feel bad?
Is your ideal future really based on balance, or is it something else you are looking for ? If you’re up for this, I would encourage you to consider this difference, and really define it for yourself.
Take some time to answer the following:
What is it that you are ultimately looking for? Is it less stress? less guilt? Do you want a relationship? (time to date), do you want to lose weight? (time for the gym), do you miss being creative? (time for a hobby) etc. ?
What feelings do you want to experience? Finish this sentence - “If I achieved…….., I would feel more…….. “
How will you know that you’ve achieved it? How will you measure it ?
What is currently standing in your way?
What are you telling yourself about the way things currently are? (see insights on the inner critic).
Once you have defined what you are really after, you can start to think about what your first step might be.
It seems that we measure the concept of balance around time. How many hours a day are spent on what. I often hear “I don’t have enough time for….” If you believe that all you need is more time, these are some of the best strategies out there at the moment:
Boundaries.
Some use strict constraints that create more time for activities outside of work. Imagine working a time punch shift. After 8 hours you are done, and the rest of your life can begin. A boundary could be that we always leave work at a certain time, even if we are working from home. Some communicate times to their team or colleagues when they are available on slack or over email. Outside those times, people will simply have to wait.
Efficiency.
Some believe that the more efficient they are at work, the more time they will have for other things. Mono tasking has been proven to engage both sides of our pre frontal cortex, meaning we are much more productive and make less mistakes. The Pomodoro Technique is a good way to do that (25 minutes of focused work at a time with many short breaks to rest our minds). Other options such as Trello or Kanban boards aim to avoid wasted energy.
Commitments and non negotiables.
Some swear by the power of commitments and non negotiables. Just like you might move a meeting for an important doctor’s appointment, or take a Friday off for a wedding, the more items are pre blocked in your calendar, the more it will force you to take the time you need for things outside of work. The thinking is that whatever is a “non negotiable” for you, like fitting in a 30 minute run every day, will always get prioritized.
Presence.
Studies have shown that long hours at work don’t cause stress or increased health risks, it’s the compulsion to work, the feelings of “should” that has so many negative effects. You can do 9 to 5, but if at home you are worrying about the work you “should” have done, you are causing more harm to your body than if you worked until midnight. So perhaps it’s not about being the perfect juggler of multiple balls, but about being present with each one. If you are at work thinking about all the fun you are missing, and at home thinking about emails and presentations, you’re not doing yourself any favors.
Finally I will add that there seems to be a lot of shame around not being in balance, which will only add to our stress and subsequently increased cortisol in our body. Is it really “bad” if we spend 14 hours in the office, or haven’t made it to a family dinner on time in 2 months? Do we need 50/50 on everything or are we happier with a different split?
Are we comparing too much to others, like that one friend who manages weekly tennis lessons, or the colleague who cooks healthy meals from scratch after work?
Maybe the real question is, how do you make peace with not being in “balance”?
About the author:
Noreen Chadha is a transformational coach in the field of leadership and personal development, based out of Berlin. Using the concepts of mindfulness as well as basic neuroscience, she supports clients in their quest to grow and unlock their full potential.
